Claw marks in the frozen peas

Up All Night

Think about something tonight. Go out under the stars, and think about this.

When we point telescopes into space, we’re looking into the past. It’s old light their mirrors collect. What we see has already happened, and the light that shone on those events has been moving towards us at a hundred and eighty-six thousand miles per second. When we look at Alpha Centauri, four point seven light years away, we’re seeing it as it was a little over four and a half years ago. The further we look, the further back in time we go. If we could see across ten billion light years, the light we gathered would be the first light — the Big Bang.

But the universe is more than ten billion light years across. The other side of the universe, which physics already has early measurements for, is far away enough to constitute infinite breadth. We could travel at the speed of light for the remaining duration of the universe itself and still not get there.

In an infinite space, it turns out that science allows, and in fact cannot avoid, repetition of structures. In an infinite universe, there exists the significant mathematical possibility of an entirely replicated Earth, on our own timeline but separately developed.

Another Earth we’ll never see because it’s on the other side of the universe, past the ten billion-year boundary of our sight, far enough away for the mathematics to allow it to exist.

There could, in fact, be a ring of Earths around the edge of the universe, ten billion light years apart, all alone and living through the same days.

And you know what? It doesn’t matter what went wrong in your life today. Because up there, in the dark, somewhere past the limits of your vision —

— you got it right.

Warren Ellis, December 2003

Unemployment Blog: Day… a lot

There are four distinct stages of unemployment. They are as follows:

0 to 3 months: Optimism
4 to 6 months: Pessimism and discouragement
7 to 9 months: Despair and desperation
10 months and beyond: Optimistic apathy

I’m currently in the optimistic apathy stage. I’ve been out of work for so long now that I don’t really care anymore, but I’m positive that I will get myself out of this funk soon. I do miss the day to day interactions in the work place. I really miss being angry at dumb people. Let’s not forget redundant tasks, and people you want to stab with a pencil because they make meetings go on longer than planned. On the other hand, I have no obligation to wear pants. None. When I have doubts about taking a nap at 1pm, my inner voice asks, “Why wouldn’t you?”

What are the milestones in our lives where you shower a recipient with gifts? Bar mitzvahs, bat mitzvahs, Sweet 16s, college graduation, quinceañeras, baby showers, and bridal showers. These are pretty big events in our lives, and they are celebrated accordingly. I strongly believe that finding a job after 11+ months of unemployment is also a big deal, and to celebrate this we should have a Re-Employment Shower. Now I know what you’re thinking. The answer to that is registering at the Apple Store. Wouldn’t you be motivated to find a job after months of unemployment if you had a strong chance of getting a new MacBook? How about pants? I could go for one or two pairs. By lavishing me with gifts, you will not only motivate me to find a job, but you will also be stimulating the economy. My reasons for creating this Re-Employment Shower isn’t completely selfish.

Attn: Hive Mind

The niece’s 5th birthday is coming in April and I haven’t a clue with what to get her. I’ve ruled out firearms and Muay Thai lessons. The niece is notoriously difficult to buy presents for. She will love anything I buy my nephew, but doesn’t much care for any of the gifts I buy her. The nephew loves everything he is given. You could give the kid a roll of paper towels and he’ll be like, “Oh cool! I can use this to wipe my butt when I go poo.” Seriously.

Other than sending the niece on a one-way trip to a different dimension, what do you suggest I get her?