Claw marks in the frozen peas

• Vinh: If it's what you love, how can I judge?
• Vinh: Unless you love something lame like cocker spaniels
• Becky: what in the world is wrong with cocker spaniels?!
• Vinh: They're like the Buick of dogs
• Becky: untrue!
• Becky: take it back!
• Vinh: also, "cocker"

Facebook > Mom

• Cousin: Your mom told me you have a girlfriend now. Is that true?
• Vinh: Did you check my Facebook?
• Cousin: Yeah, I looked at it right after she told me.
• Vinh: And it said that I'm single right?
• Cousin: Yeah.
• Vinh: Okay, what's more believable... my mom or Facebook?
• Cousin: Facebook.
• Vinh: I hope that's answers your question about my relationship status.

I'm not the target market.

• Caller: Hi my name is [redacted] and I'm calling on behalf of James Lafferty. I'm his assistant and I'm looking to see if he can get some tickets for an upcoming show at your venue.
• Vinh: I'm sorry but who do you represent?
• Caller: James Lafferty.You might know him from CW's One Tree Hill.
• Vinh: Eh... no... sorry... I don't watch that show.
• Caller: He's also starring in S. Darko, but it hasn't been released yet.
• Vinh: Oh, neat... Hrmm.
• Caller: You can google it if you don't believe me.
• Vinh: No, that's okay. I'll just take your word for it...
• Vinh: So how can I help you?

• Tina: I didn't know mac users could watch netflix online now
• Tina: I watched the first episode of 90210 last night
• Tina: Your silence is judgement
• Tina: I hate you
• Vinh: :)

to the rescue?

• vinh: i took some Alleve D this morning before i left for work
• it's got caffeine in it that's left me feeling all jittery
• laura: so you're like SUPERVINH
• vinh: impossible, because i still don't give a shit about anything

• Co-Worker 1: Everything about Vinh is awesome
• Co-Worker 2: Everything about Vinh *is* awesome
• Co-Worker 1: This paper cutter cuts perfectly because it has Vinhness attached to it
• Co-Worker 3: Why don't you just get down and kiss Vinh's balls already
• Vinh: Hi

Behold the Glory that are My Testicles

• Vinh: Satisfying me completely involves making me mean sandwiches. I'm a simple guy...
• Saraliz: hahah awesome
• Saraliz: I have been having sandwhich problems
• Vinh: But while I'm eating the sandwich, you have to rub my balls.
• Vinh: There's the catch...
• Saraliz: I wish I knew what that felt like cuz so many dudes are just like...just hold them. please?
• Vinh: Hold?
• Vinh: I'm happy if I can just get a girl to look at them
• Saraliz: hahahaha
• Saraliz: LOOK AT MY BALLS
• Vinh: LOOK AT THEM OR I WILL DESTROY YOU!
• Saraliz: NO. DO NOT SHIELD YOUR EYES!
• Saraliz: BEHOLD THE GLORY
• Vinh: NO CRYING
• Saraliz: HAHAHAH

Were You Expecting Something with Legos?

• Vinh: I've lost three and a half pounds since yesterday morning
• Vinh: That can't be good
• Ryan: Unless it was all sperm...

My Last Visit to the Optometrist

• *click-clack*
• Doctor: Better or worse?
• Vinh: mmm... looks the same
• *click-clack*
• Doctor: How about now?
• Vinh: mmm... same
• *click-clack*
• Doctor: Now?
• Vinh: Bett...oh wait, no... same.
• *click-clack*
• Doctor: Okay, how about this? Better or worse?
• Vinh: Oh. My. God. I think I can see through the wall.
• Doctor: Really?
• Vinh: No.
• Doctor: That wasn't very funny.
• *click-clack*
• Doctor: How about now, Vinh.. better or worse?

She's referring to earthquakes

• Tina: i've never felt one
• Tina: or if i have, it was so small i didn't notice it

It's not often that I'm left speechless

• Mom: Have you found out about the tickets?
• Vinh: I can't find out about any tickets unless you tell me who you want tickets for
• Vinh: You can't buy general tickets, it's not like movie tickets
• Mom: Okay, the Beatles
• Mom: Find out how much for the Beatles
• Vinh: ....

• Mike: hey you have that one rap video
• Mike: i'm trying to think
• Mike: had two guys raping about sex and shit
• Mike: i can't remember the damn name
• Vinh: Oh, that narrows it down

What 3 Dates With Me Might Be Like...

• Date #1: Vinh, you've really got your life together!
• Date #2: So what you're saying is that Target should be considered a religion??
• Date #3: Can we not go to the Outback Steakhouse next time? You've taken me here three times in a row.

Pants: A Glimpse into an Unemployed Professional's Life

• Vinh: I'm not wearing any pants.
• (1 minute later)
• Vinh: I should put pants on.
• (45 minutes later)
• Vinh: I still don't have any pants on.
• Vinh: I should put pants on.
• (1 hour, 10 minutes later)
• Vinh: Which pants should I put on?
• Vinh: I really should put some pants on.
• (2 hours later)
• Vinh: I'm still not wearing any pants.
• (15 minutes later)
• Vinh: Oh, the mail's here...
• (1 minute later)
• Vinh: I should remember to put pants on before stepping outside.
• (1 minute later)
• Vinh: I'm wearing pants.

• John: i just ordered 100 stickers of that
• Vinh: wow
• Vinh: only 100?
• John: i want to see how they look
• John: then im going to order more and destroy philadelphia with them
• Vinh: This sticker screams, "I'm not a pervert, but I really like the way your nipples poke through that t-shirt"