Babies? I don’t like ‘em.
I’m going to be rather candid on the topic of babies for a moment. I don’t like them. I especially don’t like it when someone shoves a photo of their newborn in my face. I think it’s wise to first ask a person if they’d like to see a photo before you shove it in their face. You shouldn’t scare people with photos of ugly babies. What if I was eating and my reaction was to spit food? Now that photo is ruined.
Look, I understand that you’re proud of your new child. You’ve created life from almost nothing, a living being that holds your DNA. But newborns are just so fugly. They look like shriveled boogers with jaundice that learned how to cry.
I’m an honest person, so it’s like pulling teeth when I look at a photo of the ugliest baby in the world and I have to conjure up every ounce of will power to utter a modest, “Awwww….he/she looks just like you/spouse!” … This is my standard answer for any ugly newborn baby photo shown to me.
I don’t dislike all babies, just newborns (0-2 months). Generally speaking, I love babies because they’re squishy, they look cute in their pajama footies, and sometimes they act and look drunk; it’s hilarious. Toddlers are great too; I’ve learned so much about life from my nephew.
I have no bias against my own kin. My niece was ugly when she was born. If there was an official list of ugly babies born in 2005, she had to have been in the top 15. She’s just turned 3 years old earlier this month and I think she’s a doll now, thankfully. I think when I have children of my own, I’ll just keep my eyes closed for the first two months.
