Claw marks in the frozen peas

The One Where I Reflect on the Last Six Months

I recall a thought I had on the morning of my laparoscopic cholecystectomy, it repeated itself in my mind like a broken record. “I can die today,” I thought. Typical things I’d think about never included death but more asinine ideas like what I want for lunch or whether I should wear pants.

When you’ve looked at death, things are never the same. You can lose it all, and then in a blink, it’s all given back to you. In those moments where you reflect on everything you have to lose, you realize that your life wasn’t worth much to begin with. The things I had to lose were tangible and insignificant like clothes, books, or various gadgets. For the first time ever, the notion of “You’ve got nothing to lose” made perfect sense. I find myself now with a new assertiveness based upon the idea that I have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

What we call the beginning is often the end, and to make an end is to make a beginning. The end is where we start from.
- TS Elliot

I got really excited when woot.com had a Dirt Devil on sale the other day. I ordered one, but I really wanted two.

When things are too perfect (i.e. No traffic on the road and I've hit nearly every green light), I tend to assume that I've died and wasn't aware of it. And I think to myself, "This whole death thing ain't so shabby after all..."

The Un-incredible Vinh

Anticipation vs. Reality

As unhealthy as this may sound, I sometimes wish I could be in a constant state of anticipation. The feeling of optimism and potential is intoxicating. Whereas when one is faced with the sometimes harsh realities of life, you’re often left with despair, pessimism or indifference. It can be as simple as anticipating the cool gifts you’re about to receive for Christmas, but the reality is that you’re now the proud owner of a three pairs of socks your aunt knit for you.

Stubbornness or even denial can be roadblocks to not accepting reality, no matter how clear it may be. I never want to let go of something when it felt so right to begin with. The best way to tackle the realities of life is to let go of what could’ve been, and find something else in life that brings the hope that helps give us purpose or meaning in life to continue moving forward.

The Ice Cream Diet (tm)

My post-surgery appetite hasn’t returned to anything that resembles normal. I’ve been eating once a day since two weeks before my surgery. My three meals yesterday were interesting to say the least. I had a double scoop of mint chocolate ice cream in a waffle cone during my lunchtime romp at Disneyland yesterday. Less than an hour later, I had a piece of ice cream cake that my coworkers had gotten for me. For dinner, I had a cup of three lentil vegetable soup and half of a zucchini and artichoke panini. Somewhere in between this, I had gum, a lot of water, and a lot of walking. I just weighed myself to see that I’ve lost 3 pounds since yesterday morning. I might be onto something here….

Some people at work jokingly wished to go on the gallbladder diet to lose the kind of weight I’ve been losing. I’ve lost 34 pounds as of May 25th, but 14 of it have come off in the last week and a half. I’m sure there are more painful ailments that the human body can experience, but I wouldn’t wish gallbladder woes upon even my worst enemies.

Important Announcement

Nervous Habits

Here is a list of the things I think I do when I’m feeling a little anxious:

• Bite my lip
• Curl my lips inward and bite down
• Pretend to check the time
• Pretend to read a text message I “just” received
• Pretend to check anything else on my phone (email, web, google maps, weather, contacts, et cetera)
• Clean my iphone’s screen
• Fumble with anything within reach either on the table or on the ground
• Twirl my keys around my left index finger
• Fumble with my keys as if they were jabbing into my thigh
• Switch between sticking my hands in my front and back pockets
• Switch between crossing my arms and placing my hands in my pockets
• Become hyper-observant of my surroundings
• Apply lip balm
• Adjust the contents of my wallet
• Massage my wrists
• Stretch my neck around in an effort to loosen up
• Rub my left index finger against my lip or chin
• Stroke my hair
• Clean my glasses even if they’re clean
• Take a drink if I’m holding a beverage
• Pick lint off of my clothes
• Pop my knuckles
• Pop my ankles
• Pop my back
• If I’m standing, I kick my toes into the ground
• If I’m standing, I shift my weight from one foot the the other
• If I’m standing, I’ll stand on a small ledge
• If I’m wearing a hooded sweatshirt, I’ll have my hands in the pockets
• Pull up my socks and straighten them if they’re crooked
• Say something ridiculous, yet hilarious and embarrassing
• Start talking about something completely non-sequitur and random

All Over Again

Twelve hours from now, I’ll be going under the knife for Laparoscopic cholecystectomy. Should any complications arise during surgery, they’ll have to perform open cholecystectomy. Best case scenario, I’ll continue living my life pain-free, and more importantly, worry-free. Worst case scenario, I wake up with three balls.

k, bbl.