Claw marks in the frozen peas

This is a drawing I found underneath my bed a few days ago, which I’m sure was drawn by the nephew. When the niece draws up heist blueprints, her drawings look like they were done by a drunk driver because the lines are swerving all over the place. I like color, but I don’t think the swatches of color she leaves on the floor would get my room featured on Apartment Therapy. I would report her for negligence if there were coloring authorities.

I cannot make up my mind on whether the green triangles represent miniature mountains or corrugated grass. Overall I enjoy the nephew’s depiction of still life. What concerns me though are the two black squiggles. One can logically conclude they are one of three possible things:

• Danish postmodern chairs
• Goth earthworms
• The insignia of the Nazi Schutzstaffel

I got the nephew interested in reading comic books, which is great that he’s reading outside of school, but it’s not so great on my wallet.

My mom gave me this lunch bag when I was 8 or 9. I used to put my comics inside, which fits 50-60 issues perfectly, and some other toys to lug around with me whenever my parents dragged me on a weekend shopping excursion. I’d sit in the backseat with the window rolled down to read and re-read my comics while my parents did whatever it was they did. Surprisingly, it’s lasted 20 years without a single tear in its vinyl body or a kink in the zipper. I’ve had expensive bags last just a fraction of that time. My dad dug it out of my stack-o-crap this weekend to give to my nephew, who then placed his comics and toys inside. I got a little possessive when I saw this, mostly because I still use it to carry lunch in (when I still had a job). The nephew got a shiny new Ben 10 backpack from Toys R Us so I could reclaim my beloved lunch bag, which may or may not be used to carry my comics in.

My nephew’s 6th birthday is about a month away, but I’ve already finished shopping for his gifts. Final tally: Spongebob Lego set, Spider-man dart blaster, 10-pack of auxiliary darts, Spongebob t-shirt, and Hulk glow in the dark t-shirt.

I make it a point to buy something for both kids to maintain some kind of fairness, especially when it comes to the moody little girl also known as my niece. I honestly don’t know if she plays with toys. I mean, with all of the heinous crime she commits when she’s not busy being sassy, I don’t think she really has time for toys. Since I don’t want to buy her some random toy she’ll return to the store to bankroll her next museum heist, I just stick to buying clothes. Everyone wants to look cute, even if you’re only 3 and a half years old.