I would like to participate in whatever is the opposite of a Fitness Bootcamp.
Activities include:
- Naps
- A bunch of other stuff if I get around to it…
Claw marks in the frozen peas
~ Friday, June 5 ~
~ Friday, May 22 ~
Sock Cross Contamination
I have this habit where if I take my socks off, I make note of which foot the sock was worn. If I have to put the socks back on, they go on the same foot as before.
~ Friday, May 15 ~
Strategic Checkout
Whenever I have an item in my cart that I deem embarrasing, in this case anti-itch cream, I make it a point to choose the line where the checkout clerk is least likely to silently judge my purchases.
(And to clarify, the cream is for a bug bite.)
~ Friday, May 8 ~
I hope Pixar's Up does for pudgy Asian guys like Finding Nemo did for tropical fish.
I could be really popular if I’m right.
~ Tuesday, May 5 ~
Unemployment Blog: Day 54
The thing with marketing is that we have one of the dullest professional titles. Marketers, or marketeers, is the name you give a group of people who ride around town on bicycles to spread the good word spoken in the Book of Mormon. There has to be a better moniker for a creative professional that plays with your nipples to get a desired result, and fluffer is already taken.
~ Saturday, May 2 ~
Unemployment Blog: Day 50
After graduating from high school I got my first job working at Disneyland. During my last year there, we developed a knack for pulling pranks within the department. At the height of our prank wars, I learned to syphon foreign substances into water balloons. Powdered sugar, cotton candy sugar, pretzel salt, coffee grounds, hot dog juice and chocolate syrup to name a few. You haven’t lived until you’ve had 5 gallons of hot soapy water dumped on you in an ambush. I don’t list the four years I spent working for the Mouse on my résumé, but it can only come to benefit me if I spin this experience off as a skill.
~ Wednesday, April 15 ~
Learning Survival the Immigrant Way
I was in the third grade when the Whittier Earthquake struck in 1987. As a precaution and to teach us about preparedness, my teacher had each student fill a large ziplock bag with supplies that would sustain us in the event of a major disaster. We were supposed to procure items like matches, a collapsable cup, batteries, a flashlight and a first aid kit. Thanks to my parents, my ziplock bag consisted of several packages of Saltine crackers and a 6 pack of orange flavored Hi-C juice boxes. The juice kept me from zipping the bag shut, so I had to use tape to keep the crackers from falling out of the opening.
~ Wednesday, April 8 ~
Unemployment Blog: Day 28
There is this really good Chinese restaurant near where I live that makes a great dish involving chicken breast sauteed with asparagus and white rice. I always jokingly ask the owner for recipe hints because I’ve never tasted chicken so moist and tender, and I’m sure there’s some elaborate secret involving Tiger Balm. This ointment is the answer to everything. But seriously though, I want the recipe because I can’t keep paying 8 dollars a few times a week when I’ve no income.
~ Tuesday, April 7 ~
The Anti-Gym
I can’t imagine a place I dislike more than the gym. It would be so much more enjoyable if it had the following amenities:
- Internet access
- A small library of books
- Bathroom where old dudes don’t free ball it
- TV that airs Food Network, HGTV, Discovery, TLC or the Travel Channel
- A bed I can lay about and think about things - naps are optional
Basically, I want membership to my bedroom. Someone please make this happen.
~ Sunday, April 5 ~
Picked up my DSi last night. It’s slightly wider, slightly taller and slightly thinner than the DS Lite, but it feels more secure in my hands. I’ve got 1000 free points to spend in the DSi Shop, but it’s slim pickings until more first and third party games begin to trickle out.
~ Sunday, March 29 ~
Let's Briefly Discuss the Legality of Naps
I took a glorious afternoon nap today. Woke up for an undetermined amount of time - I would put a guess at 5 minutes - and then fell back asleep. Does this count as two naps or a single epic nap? What’s the statute of limitations on how long a person has to be awake for there to be a second nap instead of having an interruption in the middle of a single nap?
~ Wednesday, March 25 ~
I wish I had the body of a mannequin.
Clothes always look better on them than they do on me.
~ Tuesday, March 24 ~
Unemployment Blog: Day 12
While reading the newspaper during lunch today, I realized I couldn’t remember what day of the week it was. Was it Wednesday or Tuesday? It had to be Wednesday. Wait, if it’s Wednesday then what did I do on Tuesday? I checked the header of the newspaper and confirmed it was Tuesday, but there was a part of my brain that refused to accept this as fact. Maybe I was reading a day old newspaper. When you are unemployed, everyday feels like Saturday.
~ Friday, March 20 ~
Ostrich is the ultimate eco-friendly vehicle.
