So far, I only have my name typed out. This brings me back to the days of writing papers for school.
Other things I’ve done instead of working on this press release:
- Drank a blended chai tea
- Ate a banana
- Ate a piece of cheese
- Ate a Kashi granola bar
- Ate a fruit snack
- Googled pictures of llamas and pandas to prove a point
- Watched the rainfall
- Ate lunch
It’s not going to get done today.
The threat of a proper spanking.
I’ve seen too many people make the same mistakes, not putting forth the right effort and doing just enough to skate by. Verbal or written infractions do nothing to stop future occurrences. I propose we begin taking people out back and spanking them. A good old fashioned barehanded smack to the ass. They’ll be so embarrassed that it should never happen again. I know I wouldn’t want to be spanked if I made a mistake. If you want to be spanked, well we’ll just leave that for another discussion. I know what you’re thinking…. what if they file a complaint? No one is going to believe it. Who in their right mind would spank another adult as punishment? I’m not an advocate for physical violence, but I do feel strongly about efficiency (and intimidation) in the workplace.
Since starting my new job back in June, I’ve had to write a much larger volume of emails than I’m used to. It’s been six solid months and here are the various ways I end emails and what they mean.
Thanks. - If I’m feeling a little nonplussed, I’ll end it with a period. I’d rather not thank them for being a butthead, but I need some passive aggressive way to act out.
Thanks - There is no period to close it out. I hate you so much that I won’t even punctuate it.
Thank you - I’m only saying it because I have to, but I don’t want to. I’m not your friend and I never will be.
Thanks! - This is my most common use. The exclamation denotes that I really mean it! But let’s be honest, I just don’t care.
